It’s often linked to great achievements, awards and accolades, but it can also lead to fear of failure.
Perfectionism is defined as a “personality trait” when a person sets “unreasonably high standards” and has “unrealistic expectations” for themselves. It’s often coupled with “intense self-criticism.”
When a person struggles with perfectionism, it can have a dangerous impact on their mental health -- and even future successes.
“It really drives us into a place of constantly pushing to the point of extreme stress and overwhelming burnout,” said Jody Baumstein, a licensed psychotherapist at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta’s Strong4Life program.
Baumstein said children and teens need to hear that nobody is perfect and there’s no expectation for them to be either. But parents need to remember that too.
“So if we make a mistake, we can’t be overly critical or beating ourselves up. We need to respond with patience and compassion and teach them how to work through a mistake,” Baumstein said.
Parents can also help by focusing on a child’s effort -- not the outcome.
“So they bring home their report card with all As and what do we say? We praise them for getting all As, but now they’re focused just on the outcome,” Baumstein said. “So instead, what we want to do is actually focus on effort. I’m proud of how hard you worked this year.”
Finally, Baumstein said for parents to talk about the difference between “I failed” and “I’m a failure.”
“So when they think ‘I failed,’ well, then they’re motivated. They see that this is a moment in time. It’s temporary. It’s something everybody experiences and there’s something they can do better next time,” Baumstein said.
If your child is struggling, ask what they’d say to a friend. A lot of times it’s easier for us to be kind, compassionate and patient to others rather than to ourselves.