SAN DIEGO, Ca. – A cancer diagnosis is life-changing, not only for the people who are diagnosed but also for their loved ones. Often relationships are impacted by the stress of the unknown.
Now, a new one-of-a-kind program has been developed to help couples cope with cancer together.
Denise and Kim Griffin are celebrating 29 sweet years together. But their relationship was tested when Denise was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer.
“It was in seven lymph nodes and now it’s spread to my spine and my bones,” Denise said.
They were faced with creating a new normal.
“I knew I had a new role to play,” Kim said.
City of Hope is helping couples with a first-of-its-kind counseling program.
“What happens often for a person when they’re going through treatment is they lose so much control,” said Lynne Thomas, a social worker at City of Hope.
“I want him not to control my life. I wanna live my life,” said Denise.
Remember to choose words wisely.
“He was saying that he was my caregiver, and I don’t feel like he’s my caregiver,” Denise said.
“They came up with another name. She said, ‘I see you as my support person,’” Thomas said.
“The No. 1 thing I learned in the counseling is to communicate,” Kim said.
“I think I’ve learned that I can open up, but he hears me more,” Denise said.
Also, don’t feel like you have to fix every problem.
“Just listen. Don’t minimize it. Don’t dismiss it,” Thomas said.
And don’t let the cancer become your only connection.
“Understanding what makes your partner feel alive, what gives them quality of life,” said Thomas.
Kim and Denise built a rock garden of love to remind them every day what is important.
“I said instead of giving me flowers, paint a rock for me,” Denise said. “We don’t let one day go by that we don’t tell each other that we love them.”
The program started with breast cancer patients and is now expanding to patients diagnosed with gastrointestinal and lung cancers, and their partners.
City of Hope wants to see their program spread nationally and internationally.