If you’re the parent of a tween or teen, you’ve probably been asked at some point to buy them whatever is popular at school, like the latest name brand tumbler, skincare, or smartphone.
But, what if the item is too pricey or you don’t think they need it?
“Kids get hung up, like we all did when we were kids, we all think we have to have the latest whatever it is, and it seems like it’s getting harder for parents to simply say no,” said Dr. Vanessa Jensen, a psychologist for Cleveland Clinic Children’s. “Have to and want to are different things, and I think parents need to have those discussions from the time they’re wee ones until they are adults.”
Jensen said while it’s okay to say no, it can also be helpful to have a conversation with your child about why they really want that item.
You could then offer to have them add it to their Christmas list or buy it for their upcoming birthday.
This can teach them patience.
Jensen said giving your child everything they want, no matter the price, could make them selfish.
Parents also shouldn’t feel bad when they do say no. Your child will eventually get over it.
“I encourage parents, if your child is giving you, I call it, the ugly look -- they’re mad at you, but they’re not using mean words and they’re not losing control. You can say, ‘I know you’re disappointed, I understand. I probably would be too, but I am glad you’re holding it together. Let’s go find something else to do.’ So, it’s acknowledging the feeling without much attention or emotion and then distraction,” said Dr. Jensen.
She said if you do wind up buying your child the item they wanted and they eventually stop using it, avoid the “I told you so’s.”
Instead, use it as a teachable moment about why it’s still OK to use that item even if it’s not what’s cool at school anymore.
Or, if they worked hard to get that item, you can acknowledge their efforts.