ORLANDO, Fla. – More than 19 million new students are expected to enroll in colleges in the U.S. this year, but while there is a lot of information for new students, what about their parents? Sending your child off to school can be hard not only on them.
“Would it be okay if she could take the final exam for him? That was probably the most unique, uh, question that I’ve ever received from a family member,” said Michele Morrell, MS, Assistant Director for Parent & Family Programs at the University of Central Florida.
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“The family member is screaming at me that this student is not capable of registering on their own,” said Ryan Newton, PhD, Director of First Year Experience University of Central Florida.
When your child goes to college, your relationship changes. But not accepting that change can cause more harm than good. A recent study found that helicopter parenting made a college student more likely to experience depression, which is the second highest mental health concern among college students, so it’s important to have a structure that supports, not smothers, the student.
“I think the family member, at the same time, needs to prepare themselves to, to realize I’m probably not going to be in touch with my student as much as I used to be,” said Newton.
If you’re worried about a complete drop off in contact, create a communication plan with your child before they leave that gives them independence and you, peace of mind. Students often go through growing pains in the first semester, but fixing all of their problems inhibits their growth as an independent adult. Experts say it increases their use of recreational painkillers and can lead to a reduced sense of confidence.
A big no? Tracking your child. Eighty-four percent of parents track their children in some way. Instead of keeping them safe, you are instead teaching them that you don’t trust them.
“I recommend both as an educator and as a mom myself of five, it’s just really important to, to support encouraging and empowering that independence, allowing students to be able to advocate for themselves,” said Morrell.
Use college as a time to strengthen your relationship with your now young adult, setting you both up for a better life-long connection.
Another way to support your new student from far away is to send them care packages during stressful periods to show that you care for them and still support them without your physical presence. You can also get support and reconnect with other family members and spend time with yourself, so your nest doesn’t feel so empty.