When Heather reunited with an old high school flame, she was excited about the possibilities.
But their relationship soon became a nightmare for Heather, who suffered profound emotional and physical abuse at the hands of her partner.
Bravely, she shared that the five years of abuse she endured caused multiple miscarriages. But she also had two sons, and she calls them her guiding light out of the darkness of abuse.
“My abuser belittled me, casting insults and deeming me beyond worthy of love, subjecting me to physical confinement and verbal assaults in isolation,” Heather recalled as she shared her personal survival story at a Hubbard House event on Tuesday, marking the beginning of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Hubbard House also launched the #UntilYouAreSafe social media campaign to remind survivors they have support to reach safety.
During the event, Jacksonville Sheriff T.K. Waters said overall, there’s been a decline in reported domestic violence cases in Duval County. So far this year, there have been 5,669 reported cases of domestic violence, compared to 6,426 at this same time in 2023 and 6,440 at this same time in 2022.
“These numbers are promising and inspire hope,” Waters said, “and yet, despite this encouraging decline, there are still survivors living in danger.”
Survivors like Heather, who said her abuser took everything during those five awful years, even her sense of self.
“I stopped wearing makeup, dressing up and caring altogether. I existed in a state of darkness and fear,” she said. “There were times when I considered suicide as an escape from the living nightmare. I despised myself and blamed myself because I felt like I allowed this to happen. Only later did I learn he conditioned me to do that.”
Heather recalled one of her scariest moments -- when her abuser strangled her in front of her two boys.
“I tried banging on the wall because I’d come up with a signal with my neighbors to know I needed help, but I couldn’t get there. Instead, all I could hear were the cries and the screams from my boys wanting their dad to stop,” Heather said, fighting tears. “What I remember most is the look on his face: pure rage. His eyes were black, and I knew this was it. This could be the moment that he killed me.”
WATCH: Click the video below to hear Heather’s story in her own words
Heather said she prayed for God to protect her boys and in that moment, her knee dislocated, taking her abuser to the ground with her.
She said he kept choking her but eventually stopped. When her boys ran to her, he told them she got what she deserved. Then before he would let her call an ambulance, he drilled into her the story she was tell: the bruises and hurt knee were from a fall.
Heather said her story is like so many others, but she was able to reclaim her freedom.
“The moment I chose to leave marked the start to a new chapter in my life, where I began to rebuild, to feel safe and to rediscover my identity, and most importantly, I found my voice once more,” she said.
Heather’s healing journey led her back to Jacksonville, where she found support through Hubbard House. She said they gave her vouchers to shop at a thrift store, helped her clothe her two sons and gave her furniture to set up their first apartment.
“It may seem like a small part of our journey to a safe, new life, but for me, this was everything,” Heather said.
She said her boys have now matured into remarkable young men, about to be 15 and 16, and she relies on them, her faith and the support network they’ve built.
“My story is one of bravery, serving as a testament that it’s never too late to pursue a better life, and that, once reclaimed, one’s voice can resonate with the strength of endurance and optimism,” Heather said. “There are challenging days and moments when I must reassure myself that I am alright, but overall, these years have seen me grow beyond my abuse, learn of my strength and realize my self-worth.”
Heather is now an advocate and an author.
“I share my story because now I have found my voice, and I hope survivors hear they are not alone,” Heather said. “I know my voice will encourage survivors to find safety, and I celebrate because my voice is my freedom.”
Resources
According to the Duval County Clerk of Courts, Jacksonville is fourth in the state when it comes to restraining order requests in domestic violence cases.
Hubbard House said in 2023 there were 10 domestic violence homicide cases, resulting in 13 deaths -- some of the lowest numbers in Jacksonville since 2015.
“It is good news that there is hope because we saw a decrease in deaths from domestic violence. And that just shows the community is coming together,” Hubbard House CEO Dr. Gail Patin said, but added that more change is needed. “We do need to start turning that conversation and holding the abuser accountable for the abuse instead of putting it onto the survivor.”
Hubbard House is a full-service certified domestic violence center providing emergency shelter and supportive services to survivors of domestic violence and their families in Duval and Baker counties in Northeast Florida.
Free, confidential support is available 24/7 through Hubbard House’s Hotline at 904-354-3114 and Text line at 904-210-3698.
If you or someone you know is or has been a victim of domestic violence or abuse, here’s a list of other resources available:
- The Florida Domestic Violence Hotline, which will direct you to the nearest shelter, is 1-800-500-1119.
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline is open 24 hours a day. The number is 1-800-799-SAFE.
- The Micah’s Place (Nassau County) Domestic Violence Help Hotline is 904-225-9979.
- The Quigley House (Clay County) hotline is 904-284-0061.
- The Betty Griffin Center (St. Johns County) can be reached at 904-824-1555.
