Childhood adversity is a widespread reality in the U.S., impacting at least half of our children.
But what constitutes “adversity” varies greatly. What one child finds overwhelming may not faze another, even within the same family.
Whether it’s the stress of school, the loss of a parent, the anxiety of extreme weather events, or something else entirely, the way parents help their children navigate these challenges can have a profound and lasting impact.
From what’s on TV to what’s happening in our own homes, children are exposed to traumatic events every single day.
“Although it may be the same experience, children of different ages can show that they’ve been traumatized in different ways,” said developmental psychologist Jessica Dym Bartlett.
Bartlett says that early exposure to adversity can lead to trauma, which can produce toxic stress — and that interferes with a child’s development and well-being later in life.
“Cardiac problems, early death, mental health problems, substance use disorders,” she listed.
A child’s reaction to adversity can reveal itself in different ways but most often if your child begins to act out in ways that are not usual for them they may need more support.
“Typically, parents kind of know that there’s something going on when it’s going on,” Bartlett said.
The number one mistake parents make?
“There are mistakes that can make life more difficult for children. One is having a big emotional reaction,” explained Bartlett.
Bartlett says a nurturing, caring, consistent caregiver is what children need most.
“It has a lot to do with how parents self-regulate, take care of their own emotions, take care of themselves,” she said.
Supporting resilience in childhood is one of the best ways to combat the negative effects of trauma. And how do you do that?
Encourage your children to express their feelings. Listen, address their questions.
Let them see you deal with your own stress in healthy ways.
Create positive experiences to help them manage their own emotions and stick to routines.
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“So, some of those things are the most critical for making sure that kids don’t kind of move from having a hard time to really, really having a hard time,” said Bartlett.
Bartlett said kids often feel better when they can contribute.
Encourage them to get involved in ways that suit their age and interests. This could include helping around the house with eco-friendly tasks like gardening or plant-based cooking and helping them understand how that helps the world.
You can also explore ways for them to raise awareness about issues they care about, such as creating posters or writing letters.
When children feel like they’re making a positive difference, it can significantly boost their self-esteem, give them a sense of usefulness, and help them cope with challenging experiences.
