Florence Ann Romano, childcare advocate and author, is back to talk about how to raise your kids to be resilient. Here is what she suggests:
● Be a role model and model resilience.
○ Parents are a child’s most important role model. It is helpful to be aware of how you handle stress, problems, and change. You can teach your children good coping skills by living those skills yourself.
○ Try to be calm and consistent whenever possible. When you do make a mistake, admit it, and talk about different ways to handle that situation in the future.
● Let your child struggle while finding opportunities in the challenges they face.
○ Help them when they are struggling, but don’t rescue them. These are opportunities for them to build grit, develop and practice the skills they need to effectively navigate life’s challenges, and practice resiliency. While it might be tempting for parents to call the coach who cut their kid from the team, or deliver the homework binder that their child left at home, parents should consider the skills their child won’t get a chance to practice if they step into save them every time.
○ Engage your child in figuring out how they can handle challenges. Give them the opportunity, over and over, to figure out what works and what doesn’t.
○ Avoid ‘why’ questions and ask ‘how’ questions instead.
■ ‘Why’ questions aren’t always helpful in promoting problem-solving. If your child left their bike in the rain and you ask “Why?”, what will they say? “I was careless. I’m an 8-year-old”
■ Ask ‘how’ questions instead. “You left your bike out in the rain, and your chain rusted. How will you fix that?”
● Teach kids to manage their emotions.
○ By helping kids feel comfortable talking about their emotions, you are also giving them the skills to think about (and cope with) what’s making them upset.
○ Emotional management is key in resilience. Teach your kids that all emotions are OK and that after feeling their feelings, they need to think through what to do next.
○ Parents can offer suggestions like taking deep breaths, talking with a friend, or going for a walk. As a child gets older, parents can ask questions, like, “What do you think would help you feel calmer right now?” to help children discover what works best for them when times get tough.
● Teach kids to ask for help.
○ Parents can help kids learn to ask for help by modeling what that looks like in their life, being open about times they’ve needed support, and being receptive and supportive when kids come to them for help.
● Give kids age-appropriate freedom helps them learn their own limits.