We have all been there - either as the person saying this or hearing this. Why do we do this? Dr. Tracy Alloway says that one explanation is that in our attempt to make someone feel better, we aren’t listening to their emotion. Here is what you can say instead:
“I understand you are (worried/sad/scared). Would you like to talk about it? What would you like to do?
What about if you are the person hearing those words? This can be very invalidating and can result in feeling unheard or under valued. Some of us may even internalize these feelings.
In Tracy’s recent study, she found that the number one predictor of poor mental health behaviors is Self Critical thinking, the idea that you aren’t worth it, or your feelings aren’t important.
If you are in this environment, here is what you can do:
1. Separate an unhealthy (“bad”) decision from being a bad person.
2. Use a timer to express your emotions - then come up with a Proactive behavior.