JACKSONVILLE, Fla. – Jim Martin lives for moments like this.
His grandchildren are running around on the basketball court at the Providence School and firing shots at the hoop. His wife, Laura, just had her hair done. She’s wearing a huge smile and laughing.
It’s a good day.
There has been no shortage of good memories in this gym for Martin, who has built the Stallions into a basketball powerhouse. Laura has been there to see them all. There are no fans in the stands on this afternoon and the season has long since passed.
But this is another good memory.
Martin, the longtime Providence basketball coach and one of the most successful in state history, has three state championships and runs a prominent basketball academy. But it was a title that Martin never wanted that made him slow down and live in the moments just like this one.
Dementia caregiver.
Four and a half years ago at just 57, Laura, was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. It was a moment in time that shattered the family. Through their grief that played out in raw, real emotions, the Martins also plotted out their plan to attack the disease.
With the help of family and those inside and out of the Providence community, everyone has pulled together to help the Martins face the greatest challenge of their lives. Martin and his children, Travis, 39, Tyler, 30, and Angela, 27, developed a basic three-faceted plan to navigate the disease. They live it right down to the letter.
Never use the ‘A’ word.
Don’t talk about the future.
And the most important one of all — make every single day the best one possible for Laura.
“We made a commitment as a family that we were just going to do one day at a time. We’re going to have the best days we could have, not look down the road,” Martin said. “But just every day, just create a situation with Laura that was going to be the best day. And we’ve been fortunate. It’s four and a half years now since the diagnosis, and we have created that every day. And my kids and everyone that helps us believes in that philosophy.”
A cruel disease
The smiles and laughs are still there. Laura’s soft and sweet spirit that she’s always had has been spared by the disease. When she sees Jim or realizes that he’s not at home, she recognizes that. When Jim walks back through the door after coaching at his Jacksonville Basketball Academy or a Providence game, Laura perks back up.
“They’re so cute together,” said Angela Martin McNulty. “And he just loves being around her. And it’s so cute. Like when he comes home, because I’m with her most of the time if he’s gone, she’s like, ‘my husband, there’s my husband!’”
It’s difficult to tell what Laura remembers. Alzheimer’s disease rips and tears and churns through the mind until nothing remains. The Alzheimer’s Association estimates that 6.9 million people in the country are living with Alzheimer’s dementia, numbers that continue to increase at a staggering pace.
The Alzheimer’s Association said that without a medical breakthrough, the number of people age 65 and older with the disease could grow to a projected 12.7 million by 2050.
Martin was determined to not follow the path that one of the most insidious diseases dictates.
A gentle push into coaching
It wasn’t the cliché, love at first sight.
Laura McCluskey and Jim Martin worked in different departments at the Federal Reserve Bank downtown in the mid-1980s. Martin, five years removed from his basketball playing career at Jacksonville University, worked in the check processing department. Laura worked in the encoding department. Jim said Laura caught his eye during their interactions at work, but it wasn’t until a big project at the bank that he managed to align his schedule alongside hers.
The two wound up on that project together and started dating in 1987. They married three years later.
Martin was a four-year starter in basketball at JU and had an interest in coaching after that. Martin dabbled in coaching at Episcopal with Carl Tatum in 1993 and realized he wanted to do that as a career. Laura had changed jobs and was climbing the corporate ladder at Merrill Lynch. It was her suggestion that Jim pursue that dream, supporting his passion and encouraging him to try it. His first coaching break was as an assistant basketball coach at Bishop Kenny under the iconic Joe Pichardo.
But it wasn’t until he arrived at Providence in 2001 that Martin finally broke through. He still credits Laura as the person who helped nudge him out of his comfort zone and to take the leap into a job that would ultimately become his profession.
“She was just always that one that was just the mainstay, that rock of the family, the star of the family that we just kind of leaned on her,” he said. “She always was supportive of everything that either I did or the kids did, and it’s a tough life being a coach’s wife, but she was awesome. And we’re just so grateful to have all those great years together.”
The rise of Providence
Martin built the Stallions from the ground up. During the early 2000s, private school basketball in the area was dominated by Rex Morgan’s Arlington Country Day dynasty. From 2005-09, the Apaches surged into a national brand. They won five consecutive state championships, four of them that included wins over Martin’s Stallions in the regional round.
Things shifted in 2010 when those teams were in separate classifications. Providence won the Class 2A state championship that year, the program’s first. ACD lost in its attempt for a state-record sixth straight title. Martin put in the foundation that would lift the Stallions into the elite echelon.
“I don’t want to take discredit the coaches that I had in my life before I met Coach Martin, but he just took my life and basketball to another level because of his ownership and his accountability, his competitive fire and drive,” said former Stallions star Patric Young. “… I just knew how much he loved me. And Mrs. Martin, oh my goodness, she is the salt and light of this earth.”
That first championship victory, a 63-46 romp over Tampa Prep, stamped the Stallions as legitimate contenders under Martin. With that win, the spotlight increased. So, too, did Martin’s focus on the program. To operate at a level that would feature elite talents like Young, Grayson Allen, Wyatt Walker, Stacey Poole Jr. and others, Martin needed to ramp up the infrastructure of the basketball program.
In the years that have followed, Martin has elevated the team to a national brand. He has served as the head coach at the McDonald’s All-American Game and named the John Wooden Legacy Award winner last March. He is the most successful active coach in area history (619-128) and has coached two of the area’s six boys McDonald’s All-American selections, Young (2010) and Allen (2014). The school named the court after Martin and longtime girls basketball coach Gigi Bistrow last December.
“Our scouting, everything we were doing was at a greater level, and I probably was away a little bit more,” Martin said. “I just realized what she was doing with the kids being younger, and just running the house and being there. You know, the ups and downs in coaching is unbelievable. You’re down when you lose, and then you’re so high when you win. And she just kept everything right there in the middle of the room.”
‘Disconnects’ and a diagnosis
In the early part of 2019, Laura’s mother, Angela Caprio, was in the final stages of her battle with cancer. Caprio’s health battle overlapped with things that the Martin family began noticing about Laura. Perhaps it could have been Laura’s grief manifesting with the death of her mother, but those things continued on longer than they should have. It was more than just normal forgetfulness.
Little blips here and there began popping up more frequently. Those gave the family a hint that something serious could be wrong with Laura. Jim calls them “disconnects.”
There wasn’t one major warning sign with Laura, rather a number of small things that caused Jim and his children to take notice. Things around the house that were part of Laura’s daily routine were forgotten. She’d lost track on normal places to meet up. The “disconnects” became troublesome enough to seek medical advice.
Friends of the family were able to get the Martins in at the Mayo Clinic where their worst fears were confirmed.
“When we heard the news, I think just hearing it that it was true and kind of our thing we feared the most, and to hear that. It was really tough,” said Jim and Laura’s middle child, Tyler.
While the family feared and somewhat came to anticipate a diagnosis during the process, confirmation of it was a soul-jarring moment in time.
“That day for me was pretty shattering. When you think it and you’re like, hopefully it’s nothing, but when you actually hear that diagnosis, it’s like, ‘ugh, this is going to be really hard.’ And it has been really hard,” Angela added.
There was an immediate grieving process among the family to know that Laura, a wife, mother and grandmother, was facing such a life-altering battle.
“I think the biggest thing is a positive outlook through the whole process has helped us all,” Travis said.
Those overwhelming emotions quickly shifted to action. Through their shock and sadness and vulnerability, the Martin family mapped out their simple three-part mantra to live by. They’ve carried it each day since the diagnosis.
“It was devastating news, but we pulled everybody together and said, ‘We’re going to make the most of this.’ And we’re grateful that we can provide for her,” Jim said. “But our goal is one day at a time. Just one great day after the next.”
NOTE: A Mayo Clinic neurologist joined us on The Morning Show to share more about spotting the signs of Alzheimer’s early. Watch his interview below.
Making the best of ‘a terrible disease’
There is no positive spin on Alzheimer’s disease.
“It’s a terrible disease. We hate it. We’re not going to let that keep us down. We’re just going to do one great day after the next,” Jim said.
Jim and his three children hold on to the moments of clarity when they see signs of Laura emerge from time to time, but there is no cure or treatment for the disease.
“It’s hard to see the things that we’re losing, definitely. Because she’s obviously not who she was,” Angela said. “… The stuff we’re going through in our life now, like marriages, and babies and all this, and she would have just loved to be a part of that so much. So, it’s hard that she’s going to be here, and not truly be here.”
Living by the simple method of making the best day for Laura, the Martins stick to a relatively structured plan. They have a caretaker, Grisela Gimenez, who has helped since last November and said that Laura loves going on walks and talking about her mother. Angela is around Laura daily to help out with whatever is needed at that moment.
Jim takes Laura on regular date nights at some of her favorite restaurants. He said that employees there are always aware of what’s going on and are “awesome” to Laura. Jim said that one of Laura’s favorite things is getting her hair done so that she looks and feels pretty. They try and make those memories for her as frequent and as special as they can.
The caregiving role
The Martins wanted to speak publicly about a very private issue because of the sheer number of people who face the same daily battle that they do. The number of Alzheimer’s patients is increasing rapidly. More and more people are yanked into the maze of caregiving with little to no knowledge of what they’re up against.
After more than four years of being in that role, Jim said that he’s more knowledgeable than he was when the family was staring into the abyss of dementia caregiving with little understanding.
For those walking that lonely path of caring for a loved one with dementia, Jim said to practice giving yourself grace.
“I do want to encourage all caregivers that … just do the best you can. We don’t get too low. There are times when we struggle, certain issues. But one of the reasons we wanted to do this, if this could reach out and help somebody that’s going through a tough time, then I know Laura would want to be heavily involved in us helping and encouraging. Just do the best you can. Try to take it one day at a time. Do whatever you can to provide that great day, one day at a time.”
Jim Martin, Providence boys basketball coach
The challenges for caregivers are broad, complex and financially draining.
According to the Alzheimer’s Association, the cost of lifetime care for a person living with dementia is estimated at roughly $400,000, with 70% of that coming in the form of out-of-pocket expenses and unpaid caregiving labor. In that same literature, 83% of help provided to older adults in the country is from family members, friends and unpaid caregivers. Nearly half of that total number of caregivers is provided to those who assist with Alzheimer’s or other dementia patients.
The emotional toll the disease takes on caregivers is impossible to measure, and the Martins collectively say that they have been blessed and insulated with help even before the diagnosis. So many people who are in the cycle of Alzheimer’s and dementia don’t have the same support.
“Our significant others have really helped. We have probably some of the greatest people in our lives that have made it really easy,” Tyler said. “I don’t think everyone’s as fortunate as we are just to have the support system that we did.”
The Martin’s focus remains on the hours in the day, not the weeks around the corner. As caregivers, they struggle with their own emotions when it comes to what the disease has done to Laura, but they do the best that they can. They grieve in their own ways and live in the moments that they do have with her.
“There’s going to be some more decline. We’re just ready for whatever comes our way,” Jim said. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll just figure out how to do it as a team, as a family, and we’ll move from there.”